Choice Theory Instructional Module

 

                           

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                        The 5 Needs: Love and Belonging

Because of the social nature of humans and the long developmental period from birth to adulthood, the need for love and belonging is closely linked to the need for survival. Desire for closeness and bonding results in the creation of family and social structures that bring new members of the species into existence and nurture and support them on an on-going basis. Glasser believes that successful relationships are key to a person's happiness. The need for love and belonging includes the range of intimacy between/among people and encompasses caring, compassion, empathy, a sense of having a place in the world, being part of a community, feeling accepted and approved of versus rejection and disapproval, attention, and affection. [Note that attention can also help meet the need for power and respect.] Situations which would help to satisfy the need for love and belong would include the following examples.
  • Friendship
  • Engaging in social activities with others
  • Active participation in classes, clubs, committees, and communities
  • Romantic and familial attachments
  • Working in cooperative learning groups
  • Working cooperatively with others on a project

On the other hand, anything that creates a sense of disconnection or threat of disconnection from others jeopardizes the satisfaction of the need for love and belonging. Following are some examples of scenarios that might contribute to the failure to meet this need.

  • Physical or emotional abandonment of a child by a parent or other "significant others"
  • Betrayal or breach of trust by someone important to the person
  • Rejection by peers
  • "Cold" treatment on the part of important authority figures such as parents and teachers
  • Physical isolation, whether self-imposed or otherwise
  • Time constraints which prevent spending time with friends or participating in activities with others
  • Health conditions or lack of financial resources that result in limitation of activities

   © 2003 Lisbeth K. Justice, M.A., RTC