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The 5 Needs: Love and Belonging
Because of the social nature of humans and the long developmental period
from birth to adulthood, the need for love and belonging is closely linked
to the need for survival. Desire for closeness and bonding results in the
creation of family and social structures that bring new members of the
species into existence and nurture and support them on an on-going basis.
Glasser believes that successful relationships are key to a person's
happiness. The need for love and belonging includes the range of intimacy
between/among people and encompasses caring, compassion, empathy, a sense of
having a place in the world, being part of a community, feeling accepted and
approved of versus rejection and disapproval, attention, and affection.
[Note that attention can also help meet the need for power and respect.]
Situations which would help to satisfy the need for love and belong would
include the following examples.
- Friendship
- Engaging in social activities with others
- Active participation in classes, clubs, committees, and communities
- Romantic and familial attachments
- Working in cooperative learning groups
- Working cooperatively with others on a project
On the other hand, anything that creates a sense of disconnection or
threat of disconnection from others jeopardizes the satisfaction of the need
for love and belonging. Following are some examples of scenarios that might
contribute to the failure to meet this need.
- Physical or emotional abandonment of a child by a parent or other
"significant others"
- Betrayal or breach of trust by someone important to the person
- Rejection by peers
- "Cold" treatment on the part of important authority figures such as
parents and teachers
- Physical isolation, whether self-imposed or otherwise
- Time constraints which prevent spending time with friends or
participating in activities with others
- Health conditions or lack of financial resources that result in
limitation of activities
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